Hi and welcome to “In a Moment” where we get to see how every day humans use mindfulness to improve and enrich their lives. There are 1,440 minutes in a day, each presenting an opportunity to dive in, breathe, look around, feel within and authentically experience being alive. From there, we can make truly informed choices that align with our values. Let’s see what’s up with Metzli!

Making tamales was always a favorite part of the holidays. It was a day of shopping, soaking the corn husks, preparing the meat, the masa and the sauces, and her treasured ritual, assembling the individual hand wrapped packets of culture, taste and textures. Standing at the counter with her husband, children and in-laws chattering happily in the living room she stepped back in time to when she was a child herself, playing games while waiting for the wafting aroma of chiles and slow cooking pork to consolidate into the warm, firm grain pocket she loved.

This year, however, Metzli had found out she had metabolic syndrome, a cluster of chronic diseases that included high blood pressure, diabetes and hyperlipidemia like her parents, both of whom had died from complications and she was awaiting bariatric surgery. This might be the last time she ate the beloved foods of her culture as so many were high in fats, carbs and sugars. She had been told that she might have smaller portions but she couldn’t imagine being the only one with a half tamale on her plate. Family members were already making fun of her salads and ever present water bottle. Even today they were telling her to fill up one last time on all her goodies.

As she spooned the masa into the husks, added the soft pork mixture, wrapped them closed and placed them on a pan, she listened to the sounds of family around her. She deeply inhaled the aroma of the flavored meat, enjoyed the touch of a corn husk cradled in her left palm and smiled realizing she would always have this part of the meal to savor, the sensual connection with the ingredients that spoke to her heart. Sitting down later with one steaming tamale on her plate, to the protests of her loved ones, Metzli mindfully ate, slowly, pausing before each bite with appreciation, gratitude and deep pleasure.

Sound familiar? How many times have you tried to make a change and people notice with a big magnifying glass? “So, you’re on a diet again?” “What are you sick?” “Why aren’t you eating? Don’t you like it?” “You’re finished?” Most people are well meaning and often show love through their food offerings. All cultures socialize and celebrate with meals and drink. It’s what’s kept community and society alive since we roasted our first wildebeest over a fire making sure everyone had enough.

When we decide to change our self-care routine people will notice. Hopefully most will cheer you on and support your new habits, maybe even join you, especially when they see your successes. But some people don’t like to see their boats rocked and their egos deflated by your decreased participation in their cherished food offerings and routines. They may define themselves as the cook in the family or group or find excellence in hosting to make sure everyone’s needs are met. Or they come from a past history of food scarcity and cannot understand why anyone wouldn’t eat as much as they could when offered the opportunity.

Others may frankly be jealous of your ability to put your nutrition needs first while they continue to struggle with their own unhealthy habits. Your actions reflect their own lack thereof. And sadly some intimate partners may not want to see you get smaller, healthier, happier because they’re terrified you’ll leave them behind. Even restaurant servers may comment on your not finishing a plate. It can be exhausting to explain yourself to everyone who feels some kind of threat by your diminished or different consumption.

So, just stop! You don’t owe anyone any reason or rationale behind your decision to eat differently. One gracious response is sufficient: “Thank you so much for the delicious offering. I’m absolutely satisfied with the amount I’m eating (then change the subject). How ’bout them Dodgers? Climate activists? Taylor Swift fans?”

We are not responsible for how other people process their own feelings. By advocating graciously for ourselves we rightfully own our power to make choices that add up to the life we want. This signals to our many selves (from the hungry baby to the rebellious teenager to the responsible adult) that we care enough to listen to and respond to all of our needs. The more we do this in the spirit of Mindful Self-care the more we re-wire our brains to prioritize our values (health, community, faith, etc.) so that it automatically makes the choices, over and over again, which support them.

Keep practicing! I’ll see you in a moment.