BECKA
Hi and welcome to “In a Moment” where we get to see how every day humans use mindfulness to improve and enrich their lives. There are 1,440 minutes in a day each presenting an opportunity to dive in, breathe, look around, feel within and authentically experience being alive. From there, we can make truly informed choices that align with our values. Let’s see what’s up with Becka!
BECKA
As the hairs on the back of her neck danced Becka looked for a way out of the latest argument with her husband. Perhaps “argument” was wishful thinking since he was just sitting there in his recliner with that glazed over look in his eyes. Once again she was carrying the emotional load of the marriage, trying to solve yet another problem with someone who seemed incapable of meeting her verbal agility with even a grunt. Part of her knew they were helplessly stuck and no words were going to rescue them tonight; the other part, that magical thinker, was hoping she could somehow reach his primitive brain with her reasoning. How could he not see her point of view?
Then it happened. His eyelids twitched and he looked at the clock for a nano-second. Her window had closed. Half an hour had passed with no more than a few words escaping his mouth and it was time for the game. Heart pounding, she stood up, looked at her husband of 18 years and all she could see was green. He had become the polyester tweed upholstery of his throne, an empty chair with nothing more to offer than the avocado shaped pillow he had given her on their last anniversary.
Guacamole was Becka’s go to solution to any problem. And this relationship was a big problem. She headed for the kitchen and her rescue kit: a party bag of chips and a tub of her favorite “green butter.” Her own reptilian brain was in fight, freeze or flee mode as her hippocampus tried to take over, the executive functioning part of her brain still believing it could think its way out of this emotional desert they lived in. Sadly the pantry was as bare of her favorite dip as her imagination was lacking a solution. Food was how she coped with the disappointment, regret, grief and regret so often flooding her soft heart. But tonight, there was no way she’d give him the pleasure of hearing her roar off to the grocery store. Tonight, she’d walk to the gas station down the street.
As she tiptoed out the back door and around the patio to the side exit, she noticed the brightly lit water in the pool and the reflection of tonight’s full moon. Despite the loud thumping in her chest the night was so quiet she wondered if the earth had stopped spinning. And then, without a conscious effort, the silence was broken by the splash of her fully clothed body hitting the water. And she was free.
Cold water wrapped her body as it gently sank feet first to the bottom of the seldom used pool. Surprise was counter balanced with calm as she allowed herself to experience weightlessness dappled by the distorted light from the street lamp. And suddenly all was well in her tiny submerged world. No noise, no thoughts, no worries. She didn’t remember jumping in, but wondered if she couldn’t just stay there forever, gently embraced by the light blue fluid, one with the world. Everything was as it should be in what felt like a little piece of history but lasted only a few seconds as her extra weighted body started floating upward. Her belly surfaced first and she lay on top of the water, looking up at the moon, wondering where this lovely feeling of wholeness had been for so many years. A breeze across her face reminded her of the temperature difference between air and water and she turned her head to note where the ladder was. Not far, and squatting down next to it was her husband, extending a hand with a gentle grin on his face.
The mamalian diving response is a body’s reaction to being submerged in cold water and holding one’s breath. A survival response that slows the heart rate it redirects oxygen flow to vital organs. While it may sound scary it can actually save lives and is now being touted as a way to support mental health. You’ve seen people take ice baths or jump into cold lakes or take cold showers as a way to brighten their mood. Studies show that Cold Water Immersion (CWI) therapy can help with depression and anxiety by raising levels of norepinephrine and endorphins and lowering cortisol levels. Becka knew nothing of this on that night. She was convinced that burying her sorrows in guacamole would offer some relief from her difficult emotions. But part of her perhaps knew differently and took over, offering her beleaguered mind a reprieve from trying to think her way through her marital woes. Her body needed her to stop thinking long enough to forget about eating as a solution. Her brain didn’t want guacamole, it wanted a calm space where it could decide how to support her mood. Food was the last thing on her mind while submerged for no more than a few seconds. The chatter had stopped, the rumination was gone and she had experienced pure joy in that moment of relief.</p>
We humans are a contemplative species and often find ourselves trying to think ourselves out of a box that we created by thinking too much! Mindfulness reminds us that ruminating about the past and worrying about the future, while necessary activities that help us learn, often robs us of the intermission a present moment pause can offer. If we truly have about 80,000 thoughts a day and most of those are negative (for survival purposes) we really do benefit from checking in with our bodies now and then. This night, Becka’s body took over because she was stuck in her executive thinking that she could fix something by doing the same thing she had always done, eat. Luckily this evening her inner lifeguard tossed her into a pool to get her attention and she woke up. And, it also got her husband’s attention. She actually grabbed that extended hand and pulled him in with her. Couples counseling began shortly thereafter.
We have 1, 440 minutes in a day. How might we choose to STOP now and then to observe the present moment before proceeding with choices?
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